


I have nothing if I don't have you

by NewtonSangster



Category: The Maze Runner (Movies), The Maze Runner Series - All Media Types, The Maze Runner Series - James Dashner
Genre: M/M, i don't make the rules, minewt, probably a lot a of tears, sorry in advance, yes newt dies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-01
Updated: 2019-12-01
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:29:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21632959
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NewtonSangster/pseuds/NewtonSangster
Summary: All Minho wanted was to protect Newt. He promised him. But sometimes, promises can't be kept.
Relationships: Minho & Newt (Maze Runner), Minho/Newt (Maze Runner), Minho/Newt/Thomas (Maze Runner), Minho/Thomas (Maze Runner), Newt/Thomas (Maze Runner)
Comments: 5
Kudos: 57





	I have nothing if I don't have you

**Author's Note:**

> Ahhh it's my first Minewt story, I hope y'all like it ! Sorry for the eventual mistakes, my French ass is still trying to deal with English writing sklslk  
> Fully inspired from the movies ; mention of suicide, death and injuries. Take care of you♥  
> Love,  
> Hayley

“BRENDA, WHERE’S THE SERUM ?”

Minho stopped in front of the berg, fear and desperation painted all over his face as he looked at Brenda. He had run like he had never done before. Faster than in the Maze, the night he had almost died because of the Grievers. Faster than in the Scorch, the time he had almost died because of the storm. This time, he wasn’t running for his own life. He didn’t care about the shots, the fires and the chaos that were hurling all around him. All he cared about was him, the person he would never bring himself to let down. It was all for him. He was all that mattered.

Brenda understood immediately, because without even taking the time to answer, she started running towards the city in flames. Minho took less than a second to start following Brenda, trying to hold back his tears the best he could. He wasn’t thinking. If he had, his mind would have wandered to dark thoughts he couldn’t afford to have. He didn’t want to think about that. He let his feet carrying him the fastest they could to the place both the boys he had left behind him were. He couldn’t fail them. He couldn’t fail him. He had just got them back. They couldn’t be separated once again. Let alone the way they would be separated this time. It was just impossible. It couldn’t happen. Minho accelerated.

Suddenly, Brenda stopped in front of him. Minho stopped behind her, fear starting to rush even faster through his veins. Why’d she stop ? She was just there, staring at something in front of her. She had stopped any movements, her hair moving and tears running down her face being the only thing that proved Minho it was real. With his heart in his stomach, he turned to look at what Brenda was looking at. Or rather  _ who _ she was looking at.

They were there. The both of them. But that was not how Minho wanted to see them, that was the furthest from what he wanted to see. Thomas, standing up, tears running down his face. Newt, laying on the ground, a knife in the chest. Not moving. Not breathing. Minho understood immediately. It was over.

He watched Thomas leave after he gave him a long tearing eye contact, showing Minho all the pain he had. Minho came closer to Newt. He couldn’t realize what was happening. He didn’t want to realize what was happening. It wasn’t happening. At this moment, Minho would have given everything to wake up at WCKD’s, realizing all of this was just a nightmare. Another hallucination. Another test. He would have prefered to know he was still there, all alone and being tortured, if it meant the boy he loved was still alive and safe.  _ The boy he loved _ .

Minho finally reached Newt’s body. He wasn’t able to say a word, he just kept staring at him, at the black veins covering his pale skin, at the now glazed eyes still full of the last tears he had shed, at the knife in his chest. He kneeled down next to him. He wasn’t crying. The shock was too strong to make him cry. He hated the feeling he felt spreading through his chest, this feeling of being drained and shut down, like his heart had been replaced by a huge and endless dark hole. He knew this feeling. He had already felt it once. And before today, he thought it was his worst day ever.

  
  


* * *

Minho would always remember the first time he felt his world collapsing. So many times he thought it happened, when he realised the pattern was just repeating over and over, when he would lose one of his Runners, or have a breakdown because he felt there was no way out in this stupid Maze he was running every day. But nothing, not any pain could be compared to what he felt this day. 

He had been running his section as usual, his mind not very focused on what he was doing. He had run every inch of the Maze so many times that he knew it by heart. Nothing never changed. Yet, he kept running it, mapping it just in case something would miraculously change one day. He kept hope, because he knew that if he didn’t, his Runners would lose it too. So every morning he would cheer them up, greeting them with a smile and one of this jokes and sarcastic comments only him knew about before sending them to their sections. He had already lost a few Runners because of despair, and he didn’t want it to happen again. He couldn’t afford any more loss. 

Shaking his head to push away his bad thoughts, Minho let his mind wandering to the only thing that made him happy here. The only reason he was still standing, fighting for an exit. His reason to live.

_ “...And Eric and Adam will take the section eight. Did I miss anyone ?”All the Runners shook their head. “Alright, then it’s time to go. You guys better be careful and come back before the Doors close or I’ll make you regret it. Good luck outside.” _

_ Minho clapped his hands and the boys walked through the door and started running towards the Maze. He was about to follow them when a voice in the back got his attention.  _ His _ voice. _

_ “Minho ?” _

_ He turned back, facing the boy who just called him, offering him a smile as he took his hands. _

_ “Yeah Newt ?” _

_ “Before we go outside, I just wanted to tell you I love you and–” _

_ “I love you too shuckface, but we have to go or we’ll be late on our schedule,” Minho cut him off. “I don’t want us to get stuck out there.” _

_ “Please, just listen to me,” Newt said with a begging voice. He looked down, intertwining their fingers as he took a deep breathe. _

_ Minho’s smile disappeared. “Hey, is something wrong ?” he asked with a worried voice. _

_ Newt looked up and smiled. “No, I just… I needed to tell you… Thank you. For everything. You’ve been my only source of happiness here, and despite the circumstances and this bloody place we’re trapped in, I’m grateful to you for always having stayed by my side no matter what we’ve been through.” _

_ Minho almost felt tears forming under his eyes. These words were the kindest he had ever heard, and hearing them from Newt meant the world to him. _

_ “Thank you too,” he said, before leaning forward and press his lips on Newt’s, cupping his face with his hands. He had no words to describe how much this boy meant to him. He was everything he had. Eventually, he pulled away. “I love you. So much.” _

_ Newt let out a small laugh. “Watch out, you’re starting being sappy,” he said. _

_ “Then we better go before it get worse,” Minho said with a grin before heading toward the door. “I’ll see you tonight, Newt.” _

Minho smiled remembering this memory from this morning. He had been surprised by Newt’s sincerity, because it wasn’t usual for him to expose his feelings like he did. Newt used to show his love for Minho by simple gestures ; a touch of a hand, a smile, a warm hug or a gentle kiss… Minho knew how Newt worked. Those simple things that would seem insignificant for anyone else were the most meaningful to him. He knew how to see the love in these tiny attentions Newt used to offer him.

The Sun was now starting to go down, and Minho decided it was time to head back to the Glade. He didn’t have time to map everything he had to since he left a bit late this morning, but it didn’t matter. When he crossed the huge concrete Doors, he directly ran to the Map Room. All the Runners were supposed be there by now. He entered the room and started counting the boys. 

“Wait...” he mumbled to himself before counting them again. And again. But the result was still the same.

Someone was missing.

He looked around the room, trying to identify the boy missing, his heart starting racing. It was late, and if the Runner didn’t make it here within an hour, he would stay stuck out there tonight. There was no way Minho lose anyone else. Suddenly, he realized who was missing. His heart stopped beating. It couldn’t be him.

It couldn’t be Newt.

“No, no, no,” he started panicking. It feels like the room was now spinning and the air was being drained out of it. He rushed outside and looked for the boy everywhere he could. He was nowhere to be seen. Minho eventually went to the Doors, desperately eyeing the end of the corridor hoping Newt would appear there at any second. He waited a few minutes, before admitting the truth ; if Newt wasn’t back by now, something wrong had happened to him. 

He knew what the rule was about a Runner missing. He knew he couldn’t send anyone looking for him, let alone so close to the Doors closing. As a Keeper, it would have been irresponsible of him to do so. But he couldn’t bring himself to abandon Newt. He clenched his jaw and squeezed his eyes shut to avoid the tears forming under them to fall. His decision was taken. He wouldn’t give up on him.

Without hesitating a single more second, Minho rushed into the Maze. Newt was supposed to map the section four today. Minho turned left, then right, and took another right turn. As he was running through the corridors, he remembered about this morning, about this sweet moment he had spent with Newt. And suddenly, he understood. Newt’s words made sense now. It wasn’t just a kind attention. It was a goodbye. Newt knew he wouldn’t go back tonight. 

This time, Minho let the tears run down his cheeks. He had never cried in the two years he had been there, but it was about Newt, and he could be dead by now. He couldn’t take the thought of losing the only boy that had ever made him feel alive.

Eventually, after one more left turn, he saw him. He was laying on the ground in the middle of the corridor, his body surrounded by ivy and blood. Minho quickly came closer and kneeled down next to him. His right leg was twisted in an impossibly weird position, his clothes torn and his whole body covered by still bleeding wounds and scratches. He looked dead.

“W-What t-the h-hell d-did y-you d-do s-stupid s-shank,” Minho asked shakily between his sobs, though he already knew the answer. “Y-You b-better n-not b-be d-dead.”

Looking at him closer, Minho noticed Newt’s face was strained with pain and his eyes were tearing. He was alive. Newt was alive. Minho let himself sigh in relief for a split second before getting up. He wiped the tears from his eyes and took a deep breathe, then gripped Newt under his armpits and sat him up against the concrete wall. He looked up at the sky ; the night was coming, and the Doors would close soon now. They had no time to lose. He lifted Newt up and placed him on his back, holding him so his right leg wouldn’t be messed up more than it already was, and started running the fastest he could. As Minho was running, Newt woke up and started moaning.

“Minho… leave me…” he said with a weak voice. “I don’t... wanna… come back…”

“Shut your shuck hole,” Minho said sharply. Now the shock was gone, all he felt was anger. “I don’t want to hear you.”

They finally made it to the last corridor. At the end of it, Alby was standing there, looking at them with a worried look. The Doors started closing when the two boys were at the middle of the corridor. Ignoring the pain piercing through all his muscles, Minho accelerated, still carefully holding Newt on his back. He crossed the line, and the Doors closed shut ten seconds later. Minho didn’t stop his track and headed back to the medhut, Alby half running next to him to follow him.

“What the hell happened ?” Alby asked loudly. “I’ve been looking for you two for half an hour, what were you two doing in the Maze so late ?”

“What does it look like for you ?,” Minho asked sharply. “He’s been hurt.”

“How ?” Alby asked.

Minho hesitated. He definitely couldn’t tell Alby Newt had tried to attempt suicide. He didn’t have the time to discuss about it with Alby, or with anyone else. “I don’t know, I just found him back. He probably got pursued by a griever,” he finally said. 

“Has he been stung ?” Alby continued.

“Can you stop asking for shucking answers I don’t have ?” Minho said. He didn’t want to talk with him. He didn’t want to talk with anyone. Newt was half dying and he was losing time with all the questions Alby was asking him. “Look, you’ll ask him whatever you want when he’ll be able to answer. Right now he needs help, so if you don’t mind, I’ll bring him back to the Medjacks.”

With this he accelerated, leaving Alby behind him. He finally entered the Medhut and laid Newt down on the first bed he found.

“CLINT, JEFF !” he screamed. The two Medjacks appeared from the back of the hut and ran to him. “He got hurt, he needs help. Please… save him. Please.”

  
***

“Minho ?”

Minho stopped pacing. Jeff was standing at the doorway, looking at him. 

“He’s out of danger. You can come see him,” Jeff said. 

Minho rushed inside the hut. Newt was still on the same bed, now covered by a blanket and propped up with pillows. A few bandages were isolated on his arms resting on the blanket, and a few more were covering the top of his chest.

A lump in the throat, Minho kneeled down on the side of the bed, reaching Newt’s left hand he took in his. He detailed each feature of his face ; his lids were twitching as if he was the middle of a nightmare, and his lips were twisted in a wince showing the pain he was still going through, even after the Medjacks took care of him. As he gripped his hand tighter, Minho wished none of this had happened. He would have given anything to go back in time and avoid this whole terrible thing.  _ Thank you for everything, I’m grateful to you.  _ He should have known. He should have saved him. 

“Hey.” Minho turned over to Jeff looking down at him, a hand on his shoulder. “Do you know what happened to him ?”

“I don’t,” Minho answered after a moment. In a certain way, it was the truth. He’d just found him, after all. “How is he ?”

“It’s hard to tell. Most of his wounds weren’t serious, he will recover from them within a week with close care. What’s worrying me…” Jeff trailed off. 

“What ? What’s wrong ?” Jeff stayed silent, his eyes now fixing the ground. “Please, tell me…”

  
***

Minho woke up half laying on the bed as he felt a hand gently stroking his hair. As soon as he opened his eyes, all the events came back to his mind, and a split second later, he was standing up. 

“Good morning to you too.” As he heard his voice, Minho looked down at the bed.

Newt was sitting on the bed, an embarrassed smile on his tired face, his left hand still in the air above the spot where Minho’s head was resting before. He had now his shirt on so the bandages on his chest and arms weren’t visible anymore, but his fully bandaged right leg was out of the blanket and propped up on a pillow. 

As Minho stayed silent, staring at the broken leg, Newt continued. “How are you ?”

This time, Minho snapped his head back to look at him in the eyes. “How am I ? Are you– Are you really asking me how I am ? How are  _ you _ ?”

Newt looked down at his hands. “You should sit down,” he said after a moment.

From the second he woke up Minho had felt his heart racing in his chest, but now that Newt had this incredibly sad look darkening his eyes, he was wondering how it was possible his heart could beat even faster.  _ There’s still a chance I was wrong. Maybe it was just an accident. Maybe he just wanted to tell me he loves me.  _

Newt reached to grab his hand, intertwining their fingers as he had done yesterday. “Look, I really care about you and I didn’t want to hurt you, but–”

“Just tell me what happened,” Minho cut him off sharply. “Don’t try to make it easier with insignificant details. I had enough of sweet words.” Looking at his apologetic expression, he could tell Newt knew what Minho was referring about. “Just tell me the shuck truth.”

“I… I-I couldn’t go on,” Newt said. “It was too hard.”

“Continue what ?” Minho asked. “Us ? What does it have to do with this ?”

“No, no, it’s not us,” Newt answered quickly, shaking his head. “I really do love you, and I mean everything I told you yesterday. It’s just… everything else. I couldn’t take it anymore.”

Minho squeezed his eyes shut to refrained the tears to come out once again. “So I was right. It wasn’t an accident.”

“Minho…” Newt trailed off.

A first tear rolled down on Minho’s cheek. He opened his eyes, making them meet Newt’s. His vision was blurry from crying, but he could still notice the pain in Newt’s look. Loads of feelings were whirlwinding in his mind. He wanted to yell at him. He wanted to blame him for having given up. For having giving  _ him _ up. But none of this mattered. He didn’t do anything to stop it. He didn’t help him. The boy he loved was desperate and he didn’t see anything. “I’m sorry.”

Newt widened his eyes a split second, then immediately burst into tears. Newt, whom Minho had never seen breaking down, was crying like he had been holding his tears for years.  _ Newt was crying.  _

Minho came closer and hugged him tight like his life was depending on it. Newt buried his head on the crook of his neck, letting his tears fall as Minho was gently rubbing the back of his neck. They stayed like this for a long time, both sniffling and whispering apologies to the other, until the tears finally went away.

  
***

“Why didn’t you tell me ?”

Newt stopped playing with Minho’s fingers. “Why didn’t I tell you what ?”

“That you weren’t doing fine,” Minho said.

Newt sighed. After this morning, Minho knew Newt hoped they wouldn’t talk about it again. They had spent the day in bed, and Newt had spent most of the time sleeping while Minho was stroking his hair, sometimes kissing the top of his head with a quiet ‘I love you’. It was almost like nothing happened. But Minho couldn’t act like that, like it was nothing but a meaningless incident. He needed to understand. 

“I could have helped you,” Minho continued.

“I didn’t want to bring you into this,” Newt said, getting up off Minho’s chest he was laying on. “You had enough things to deal with. I didn’t want to bother you with my… personal issues.”

“I’m not only here for the good times, Newt. You have the right to tell me when you feel bad or something’s wrong. You’re not alone, we’re going through this together. I care about you more than anything else. You can’t even imagine how much. You’re the reason I get up every morning and run this shuck Maze to find a way out, but I can’t do this if you’re not by my side.”

“Well, I’m not really going to be able to run by your side now I shucked up my bloody leg,” Newt said with a small humorless laugh. 

“You know that’s not what I mean,” Minho said. “It doesn’t matter if you’re running out there with me, I just need to know you’re there when I come back, and I need to know you’re doing fine.” Newt stayed silent. “You make me feel like I have a bit of happiness in here. And I thought I made you feel the same.”

“You do,” Newt answered.

“Not enough,” Minho said quickly. “Newt, you… you tried to die. And I didn’t see it coming.”

“Hey, it’s not your fault,” Newt said.

“It is,” Minho countered. “It’s my shucking fault. I was too busy with the Runners, I spent too much time mapping, and running, and–”

He was cut off by Newt’s lips on his before he could go on. Registering what was happening, he kissed the boy back, gripping him tighter against him as Newt’s hands were now on the back of his neck.

Newt pulled away first, catching his breath before he spoke. “Shut your bloody mouth. You’re not responsible of what I did. Matter closed.”

“Alright,” Minho said, “but I’m not letting it happen again. Never.” He looked at him deeply, thinking thoroughly about every word he was about to say. “I promise I’ll protect you, no matter what the cost. I’ll never let you down.”

Newt offered him a smile, the most sincere one in a long time, and laid back down on Minho’s chest before closing his eyes. “Good that.”

  
  


* * *

_ I promise I’ll protect you, I’ll never let you down.  _ And at this exact moment, remembering these words as he was kneeled down besides Newt’s lifeless body, Minho exploded. He let the draining feeling spread through him, the pain reaching every inch of his body. And he screamed. A long heart-rending scream, so loud that it covered the apocalyptic sounds raging around. The pain he felt in his vocal cords was nothing compared to the one in his heart, like someone had taken it out of his chest. He leaned down and curled himself up on Newt’s chest, bursting into tears while he was gripping the boy like it could have brought him back to life.

“I-I p-promised,” he choke on his words, “I-I p-promised I-I w-would p-protect h-him...”

He knew that behind him, Brenda, Gally and Fry were looking at him, but he didn’t care. He didn’t care about them, about what he was looking like right now, about what was happening around them, about anything. Nothing mattered but Newt laying on the ground.

“P-Please N-Newt… P-Please w-wake u-up… P-Please…”

It couldn’t be over. Not now that they had been reunited again. For the first time in these last six months, as Minho had kissed Newt after they finally found their way to each other in the WCKD building, Minho had felt they would finally be able to be happy together. How could his dream have been broken in less than fifteen minutes ? All he had asked for was a life he deserved with the boy he loved and his best friend. But now, as he was on the ground, his tears falling on Newt’s face he was leaning above, he knew he would never know what real happiness was. 

_ Thank you, Minho.  _ These were Newt’s last words to him. Like in the Maze, when he knew he wouldn’t come back that night. His cries intensified. Just like that time, Newt knew it was the last time he would see Minho. And just like that time, Minho hadn’t been able to understand it was a goodbye. He didn’t get to say goodbye to him.

So now, in the middle of this ruined and burning city, with the feeling of his heart shattering into thousand pieces, he let him go forever.

“T-Thank y-you t-too,” he whispered, before leaning down to kiss Newt’s lips one last time. “I-I l-love y-you s-so m-much. E-Endlessly.”

  
  
  



End file.
